My last blog post received a tremendous amount of feedback. Probably, because for the first time in quite a while I wrote more than a mildly comedic account of my life here. I wrote something honest. Not that all my other posts are filled with lies, but they often omit certain things. And even though I glossed over some of the deeper issues pretty quickly, it seemed to have an impact on its readers.
It occurred to me that perhaps what people want, more than a play by play of my days here, is a look into what my life is actually like. A glimpse of vulnerability.
…What a terrifying concept.
My blog is public. Anyone can read it. And somehow I am attempting to break down the walls around my heart and expose myself fully to the harsh world. But what I was so surprised to find was that when I finally attempted it, just barely touching my toes into the water of vulnerability, I did not find a harsh world awaiting me. Through the tiny crack in the walls surrounding my fragile heart, an outpouring of love and support came rushing through.
And so, as the crack widens and I become less afraid of the world’s judgment, I will begin to write honestly. Sometimes painfully. Often comically (I hope). Because while it’s great to know what it’s like to live in Thailand, wouldn’t it be better to know what it’s like to be a chaotic, relatable, terribly flawed human living in Thailand?
Dear humans with basic human struggles, here’s what it’s like to be me. Sincerely, another human with basic human struggles.
Let’s give that a shot.
But then comes the next problem…WHAT DO I WRITE ABOUT?!
How about an honest account of my week so far:
Had Monday-Wednesday off school. Taught Thursday. Had Thai Cultural Day celebration at school Friday. 1 kid vomited, 2 peed their beds. Air conditioner broke. Ate 3 cookies, thus ruining my no sugar streak. Had one night of straight insomnia interspersed with several natural disaster dreams (two tsunamis takin down the world). And in a burst of pure motivation, I have successfully exercised, socialized, and done something creative each day for the past two weeks. Startin small, makin moves.
I also created an instagram account specifically for my cross stitching. Feel free to follow me: @crossstitchpadawan. Though keep in mind these are not your grandmother’s cross stitches. They are not appropriate for all ages, and your grandmother won’t like them. Unless she likes cursing and star wars, and in that case your grandma is awesome and I will make her a cross stitch.
So that’s my week.
It’s funny…you expect profound revelations, like telling the world you’re depressed, to somehow alter things. But life remains the same. It’s hard, it’s exhausting, but it’s beautiful and so much fun. And it continues to be so even when I’m covered in milk and paint and glue after spending all day with 2 year olds. The good parts, the bad parts…it’s all messy. But it’s still good.