//Disclaimer to the lovely littles who follow my blog: This post contains adult language…sorry ❤//
It’s funny how things work out sometimes. Occasionally coincidences and chance encounters occur, and my instinct is to brush them off as just that. I’m not one to put much credence in the spiritual or supernatural, and tend to think things are just as they seem most of the time. But every now and then things line up just so that I end up wondering…Was that you, Universe?
A couple of weeks ago, I re-downloaded Tinder for probably the 14th time, as is often the pattern with habitually single 20-somethings… I was scrolling through the app idly when I stumbled upon a guy with whom I had a mutual friend. We chatted, and I discovered he was only briefly passing through Chiang Mai, so I invited him to my band’s show that night. He came, we talked, and as a result I now have one more long-distance friend to add to the ever-growing list of impactful people in my life–a group I am forever grateful for.
The thing about this particular friend is that he has basically no regard for societal norms or proper behavior. Which was a little off-putting at first. But after spending some time with him, I realized: here’s a guy who’s living the life he wants without worrying excessively over what anyone else thinks about it. I could do with a little more of that in my own life.
I have a tattoo on my foot that says senza paura (“without fear” in Italian). A reminder to do things that scare me, it unfortunately has done little to actually make me fearless. I worry constantly. Partly because I have an anxiety disorder that maintains a tight grip on my life, and partly because I’m just not good at living in the moment. I fear the judgment of others above most else.
Being around someone who appears to live so aggressively against the grain got me thinking that I could benefit from a little of that boldness in my own life. Start doing what I really want, without so much fear of potential repercussions. I decided it was time to do just that.
This played out in two ways: the first, my job. To be honest, I’ve grown to hate my job. I love my kids and their spunky little faces, but I despise waking up in the dark, driving half an hour to school, and working for 9-10 hours a day. I hate that I return in the evening completely devoid of energy. And while I am terrified of the prospect of stepping out on my own and attempting a freelance career, I know in my heart it’s what I want to do.
The second thing involves my appearance. Largely because of my social anxiety, I truly don’t like to be noticed. I don’t wear particularly bold or revealing outfits, because I get uncomfortable when people are looking at me. I am timidity personified, though I seem to hide it well. My superpower would probably be invisibility. But here’s the thing…
Fuck being invisible.
Fuck being unhappy, dissatisfied, and drained. Fuck timidity and fear of attention. Because guess what…I’m worth being noticed. So are you. We’re beautiful badasses with a hell of a lot to offer the world.
That stream of thought brought me, in a roundabout way, to this: a desire to dye my hair pink. Which yes…would result in people noticing me. Maybe not in a good way. But who cares? I think pink hair is fun. So I’m going to have pink hair. Because as Lucy, another in my collection of long-distance impactful people, told me:
“Life is too fucking short to not dye your hair pink and write for money.”
Ain’t that the truth.
Which brings me to this past week:
I wrote a post in one of the Chiang Mai Facebook groups I’m in asking about salon recommendations for hair coloring. And I noticed that one of the girls who responded lived in my building, so I clicked on her profile and discovered an interview she had done on becoming a digital nomad and working as a freelancer. So I messaged her to see if she’d be interested in meeting up with me to talk about how she got started. Which she was.
Then in my excitement about this, I told Lucy about it and discovered that this is also pretty much what she does for a living. She’s basically the most encouraging, inspirational human. Not only did she assure me I am deeply capable of pursuing a career as a writer, she even offered me a way to do it.
The next day a friend in Vietnam randomly offered me a job, should I ever decide to leave Thailand and want to move there.
Sometimes, things are just coincidences and chance encounters.
But sometimes…the universe could not be screaming louder:
QUIT YOUR JOB. DYE YOUR HAIR. DO ALL THE SCARY THINGS.
So I think I will. The time has come.