Sorry for the delay in posting. Despite no longer having a regular job, I’ve still managed to be incredibly busy. And also I’m just a terrible procrastinator.
Quick sum-up of the last month:
Songkran: 3 day water festival. AKA 3 days of straight chaos.
Finally finished the first draft of my copywriting website (caitlinfairty.com). It’s not perfect, but it’s something! If you’re good at web design and want to help me make it better…gimme a call.
Another trip to Pai! This time with new friends (and Bridget ❤ )
Now, I have two weeks left in Thailand. And as I prepare for my return to the country of my birth, I have a lot of mixed feelings. I’m excited for reunions with people I love. I’m excited for labels in grocery stores I can actually read. I’m excited for good wine and proper Mexican food. I’m excited for no police checkpoints or immigration renewals. I’m excited for small talk I understand, road signs written in English, and the cool breezy weather of the West coast.
But I am also anxious.
I’m scared of returning to a place where Trump is still inexplicably in power. A place that seems so often riddled with racism, hatred, and corruption. I’m scared that my $3000 life savings will not last me in a country far more expensive than this one. Scared (terrified, even) of having to cook for myself again. In Thailand, eating out costs as little as $1. For someone basically inept in the kitchen (unless we’re talking baked goods), this place is a food paradise. Today I tried to make toast. TOAST. Seems pretty easy. It’s not. I burned it. Twice. And now I will have to return to preparing food for myself? Lord help me.
I’m worried about the potential difficulty of readjusting to a culture vastly different from the one I’ve been immersed in for the last 16 months. Worried about what I will do, where I will go. What my next step will be.
And the truth is, my future is a mystery to me. On May 25th I will arrive in LA. On September 9th I will be at my sister’s wedding in MI. Beyond that, nothing is planned. It’s exciting, as ever, to have the world open to me. The choice of where to live, what to do, who to be. It’s a blank slate. But with the vast choices comes vast indecision.
So maybe I’ll stay in America. Move to San Diego with my friend Carissa, get a job, get a cat, live a normal life. Maybe I’ll just couch surf for a while. Or (PROBABLY NOT) move back to Michigan where my parents are. Maybe, after the wedding, I’ll come back to Thailand and continue life here. Maybe I’ll go to South America (never been there). Maybe Iceland. Maybe try to hit up North Dakota and Alaska and finish all 50 states. WHO KNOWS!
There’s a quote I’ve always liked, because it describes my life pretty well.